Silence around death leaves a mess

This Friday August 8th, Dying to Know Day returns with a simple reminder: if you don't talk about death, your loved ones are left to guess. And it's likely they’ll get it wrong.

Be courageous, arrange a gathering with friends to encourage open conversations about end of life choices.

This year’s theme, Nobody Knows, says it clearly: unspoken wishes leave loved ones with confusion, conflict, and this comes with a deep emotional cost. This silence around death can tear families apart, triggering arguments and causing distress over healthcare, end-of-life care, funeral, and financial decisions. This not only heightens anticipatory-grief (the grief one experiences prior. to a death), but it can also delay and complicate grief and healing post-death. This leaves families under pressure of having to assume their loved one's wishes, and piece together a legacy on their behalf.

In my work supporting people through death, identity loss, and life’s major transitions, I’ve seen just how often this happens and the resulting unnecessary burden. I’ve had families pull me aside and ask me not to tell the dying person that they’re dying, and just as often, the dying person will ask not to let their family know they’re dying.

It's time to break the taboo that talking about death is morbid. And, end the superstition that talking about it will bring it sooner. It won’t. Talking about death is clarifying, and when we speak openly, we don't just plan for the end, we feel liberated that we can actually live more consciously in the present.

"It's time to...end the superstition that talking about it [death] will bring it sooner. It won’t."

The truth is: death is not just an end-of-life event. It’s a mirror to how we live now. Every unspoken wish or avoided conversation, is a missed opportunity to live with greater clarity, connection, and courage. That’s the heart of why I created Living Legacy sessions, so as not to wait until it’s too late to express what matters most. It’s about making meaning now, sharing stories now, healing rifts now, forgiving, loving more, and living a more authentic life, now. 'Cause you can't live it after you're dead. Your legacy shouldn’t have to wait until your eulogy. It's created in every breathing moment, whether consciously, or not. 

It’s also why I speak about mini deaths, the symbolic endings we often ignore (retirement, divorce, identity shifts), these endings act as teachers in letting go. Learning how to meet these moments prepares us for the big ending: death. It’s also why I created Die Before You Die, an annual experiential retreat where facing mortality becomes a pathway to spiritual awakening, and to life’s deeper meaning. And why I help clients articulate what they want to leave behind, not just in terms of physical possessions, but in presence, values, and voice.

Start planning now, even making a list such as who you want, or don't want, at your bedside when you die can feel incredibly powerful.

We don’t need a crisis, a terminal diagnosis, or to be of age to have these conversations. What we need is courage. In choosing to complete your Advanced Care Directive (legally binding medical document), your End‑of‑Life Preferences (plan for your end-of-life care and funeral, not legally binding) or your Will (who will inherit your assets) you resume control over your death. For it's the loss of control that people fear most when dying, taking these steps now will reinstate autonomy and can feel wildly liberating.

This work doesn’t have to be done alone, there are death positive movements such as Death Cafes that encourage honest, open engagement with death, dying, and grief as a natural part of life. Or why not commune with your loved ones, plan an evening to ask one another these deep questions. A shared experience can hold great significance and may feel less emotionally burdensome. It also begins to normalise and break the taboo surrounding conversations about death and dying. 

Invitation

This Dying to Know Day, I invite you into a conversation called Nobody Knows. Share a secret you’ve been carrying. Or tell someone something you’re glad you no longer carry alone, something that brought you relief, lightness, or healing. And ask yourself: What does it mean to live your legacy, not just leave one behind? 

Have the conversations. Complete the forms (see links to resources below). Say what matters while you still can. Don’t leave things to chance, express yourself, live fully, and be remembered for who you truly are.

Dying to Know Day background info

Dying to Know Day was launched in 2013, and it takes place annually on August 8th. It is a day of action, to encourage open and honest conversations about death and dying across Australia. Its purpose is to challenge the silence around these topics and empower individuals to take control of their end-of-life decisions. By fostering a culture of awareness and preparedness. 

Helpful resources:

Death Doula: End of life & grief support

End of life checklist

Emotional will

Dying to Know Day events - Australia

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This article is authored by Nicole Sultana, who holds a Post Graduate Degree in Spiritual Care, a Post Graduate Certificate in Business (Marketing), and a Bachelor of Applied Science in Sports & Exercise. In addition, she is a Certified Therapeutic Sound Practitioner and a Death Doula. Nicole is the founder of Sound Consciousness, a company that offers wellbeing strategies and therapeutic sound practices to help individuals achieve peak performance in their professional lives, sporting endeavours, relationships, and personal aspirations.

If you found this article meaningful, leave a comment and share it with someone else who may benefit. Sharing our experiences helps us all learn, grow, and heal together. We welcome lively discussions, as they contribute to our multifaceted humanity. Let's remember to approach discussions with respect and kindness at heart.