Retirement isn’t just slowing down: It’s losing part of who you were

Part one of a two-part series on identity loss, slowing down, and reinventing meaning when your purpose suddenly disappears. In this piece, we explore the identity crisis many face after retirement, when the role that once defined you begins to fade. Part Two widens the lens to anyone navigating the quiet grief of losing who they once were, long before life itself ends.

A man reads a newspaper, as he contemplates what life looks like after retirement.

When the calendar goes blank

I remember working in the hospital and noticing a strange pattern. Patients would come in, many of them men, some women, recently retired, recently free, and suddenly, unwell. They’d worked all their lives, stayed relatively healthy, then within weeks of retiring found themselves in hospital beds. Sometimes it was a heart event, sometimes a fall,  sometimes vague symptoms no test could quite explain (often after falling off a ladder or roof, retirement, it seems, is when many decide it’s finally time to clean the gutters). But the deer-in-the-headlights look was always there, not just from the shock of the illness, but from how fast their life had unravelled.

I would hear things like, "I don’t know what happened, I was fine. Then I wasn’t" and, "I thought I’d enjoy the time to relax, but  something feels like it’s missing." I began to realise that this wasn’t just a health crisis, but rather it was a crisis of identity and purpose. These patients were grieving, but not the death of someone they loved, and not even loss of health, but grieving the loss of who they once were. And what surprised me most, and despite there being research confirming my observations, was that, no one was talking about it.

Science agrees: The sudden stop can hurt

Studies have shown that people who strongly identify with their careers are at greater risk of physical decline or even early death after retiring, especially if they haven’t made meaning-based plans for life after work.

A 2008 study in The Journal of Occupational Health Psychology found that people who retire without a strong sense of purpose have a significantly higher risk of declining physical and mental health.

Another study published in Health Economics showed a sharp rise in clinical depression following retirement, especially among those in high-status or high-responsibility roles.

"These patients were grieving, not the loss of health or a loved one, but the quiet, invisible loss of who they once were."

And one Harvard study even found that early retirement increases the risk of mortality among men. In short: the loss of purpose doesn’t just leave you feeling lost, it can leave you vulnerable to actual illness.

The inner shock of retirement: An Invisible identity crisis

We’re sold a version of retirement that looks like a lifelong holiday. The golden years. A time to rest, put your feet up and finally, enjoy life. But for many, the experience is far more confronting. What happens when the once-packed schedule is suddenly empty and the structure that’s held your life together, such as  your role, your title, your routine, your relevance, suddenly disappears? 

At first, the slower pace might feel like relief, a novelty: slow mornings, coffee catch ups at the local cafe, late nights, later sleep-ins. But soon, something begins to shift. Work, whether you loved it or not, gave you structure and a sense of identity. Without it, unfamiliar feelings creep in: disorientation, flatness, or a quiet ache no one prepared you for.

Some call it boredom, others name it loneliness. But often it’s something deeper: a grief for the version of you who once felt needed, seen, and useful. Unlike grief for a loved one, this kind of loss is invisible. There are no rituals, not sympathy cards, just a quiet ache and a sense that something essential has slipped away. And in that silence, a deeper question emerges: What do I do with myself now? Where do I go from here? What’s worth getting out of bed for?

What psychology has to say about it

Erik Erikson was a developmental psychologist who proposed that human life unfolds in eight psychosocial stages, each marked by a central conflict or challenge. The eighth and final life stage of Erikson’s theory is Integrity vs Despair, which typically happens in late adulthood and involves reflecting on one’s life. This stage is deeply about identity, purpose, and meaning as people look back and assess their life story. Retirement can either trigger this stage earlier than expected or intensify the struggle within it, because it disrupts the familiar roles and routines that helped shape identity. Erikson suggests this stage arises when much of life’s external fluff has fallen away, leaving only one remaining question: Did I live a life that mattered? (see my previous article: Redefining Legacy to read more on this topic). 

Interestingly, in some cultures and spiritual traditions, this phase of life is not seen as a crisis but as an expected and honoured chapter. In the traditional Hindu ashrama system, the final stage of life, Sannyasa, involves renouncing worldly attachments, saying farewell to family life, and devoting oneself to contemplation, spiritual study, and preparation for death. I remember being in Benares and hearing stories of people who had reached this phase, choosing to live simply in ashrams or holy cities, not out of despair, but as an act of inner readiness. This contrasts sharply with how Western cultures often view retirement as a time of decline or redundancy.

"Retirement is not just the loss of who you were, it’s the beginning of who you are becoming."

Understanding Erikson’s theory may help normalise the feelings many experience after retirement, and re-frame them as a natural and important part of the human journey toward finding greater meaning and self-acceptance. 

The soul’s timing vs society’s timeline

While you retire in the sense of stopping paid work, the soul never retires, it only deepens. If you think of life as a continuum, our soul has been quietly developing and unfolding beneath the surface all along. Retirement is a time for this inner growth to more fully rise to the surface and take centre stage, while the part of you tied to work, in the traditional sense, can gently recede.

The body naturally begins to slow down with age, but the soul becomes ripe for its most meaningful work yet! This is not the end of your usefulness; it may be the beginning of your deepest wisdom.

An invitation to reframe retirement as a sacred threshold

Retirement is not just the loss of who you were, it’s the beginning of who you are becoming. It asks you to consciously release the old self and open to transformation. This is where true purpose begins again, on a soul level, not defined by tasks or titles, but by your presence, wisdom, and what you now have to offer. This echoes the idea of “dying before you die” a concept I have written and spoken of before, where we consciously face endings and open ourselves to rebirth.

This invitation isn’t something that just happens to you, it’s an opportunity to engage with, to cross this sacred threshold not with fear, or lack, but with courage, curiosity and intention. In doing so, to step into this chapter  feeling empowered and guided by a new type of meaning and purpose.

A Living Legacy storytelling session can be cathartic and therapeutic.

Tools for reclaiming purpose

Here are some practices to help you navigate this threshold and reawaken a sense of purpose and belonging in this next phase of life:

• Living Legacy: Storytelling as healing

This is more than just recording your life for posterity,  it's a powerful act of integration. When you share your story, you're not just preserving events, you're making sense of them. You're shaping the arc of your life with your awareness and compassion for self. This is Living Legacy not as ego-work, but as healing work. Tell your story to integrate your life, make peace with it, and pass on the wisdom, not just the events. Use Living Legacy as means to heal ancestral lines, not just a memoir project. Learn more about doing a Living Legacy session with me.

• Rituals of closure and beginning

Rituals are needed to mark what’s ending and what’s beginning, not just weddings, funerals, or retirement parties. Retiring from a role, a title, or a career deserves its own moment of pause. Whether it’s writing a farewell letter to your former self, holding a quiet ceremony, or simply lighting a candle and reflecting, what’s important is to honour the transition. Ritual is how our psyche understands that one chapter has closed, and another has begun.

• Reflection practices

This is a time for inner listening. Journaling, walking in silence, meditation, or even asking simple daily questions like, What matters most today? or What is life asking of me now? These gentle practices keep you grounded in reflection, rather than drifting into stagnation.

• Community and mentorship

Your experience is not a thing of the past,  it’s a resource. Whether it's volunteering, mentoring someone younger, or simply showing up more present in your relationships, connection and contribution are key to a thriving post-work life. 

• Sound therapy and stillness practices

This phase of life isn’t just about doing,  it’s about being. Whether through sound meditation, vocal toning, deep listening, or breathwork, practices like these offer a gateway to deeper presence and emotional release. Stillness is a teacher, not a void.

A new kind of aliveness

Retirement is a rite of passage, while it may feel like a rupture, it doesn’t have to be painful. The more consciously you prepare, the more this phase can feel like a homecoming, and a time of great inner peace, a (re)discovery of a deeper part of yourself. You are not done, only done with one way of being.

A final reflective question:

Who are you when no one’s asking what you do?

Reimagine what’s possible 

If you’re ready to explore what comes next, you’re warmly invited to join a workshop on navigating retirement with intention. Just send me an email to express your interest, You're also welcome to book a complimentary 15-minute discovery call, an easy way to see if deeper one-on-one work feels like the right fit. For more tailored support, I offer coaching and Living Legacy sessions to help you move through this transition with clarity and meaning, which is a great way to explore the deeper work we could do together.

References:

Belloni, M., & Villosio, C. (2014). Retirement and the mental health of the elderly: Evidence from France. Health Economics, 23(5), 543–556.

Fisher, G. G., Stachowski, A., Infurna, F. J., Faul, J. D., Grosch, J., & Tetrick, L. E. (2014). Mental work demands, retirement, and longitudinal trajectories of cognitive functioning. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 19(2), 231–242

Fitzpatrick, M. D., & Moore, T. J. (2018). The mortality effects of retirement: Evidence from Social Security eligibility at age 62. Journal of Public Economics, 157, 121–137.

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This article is authored by Nicole Sultana, who holds a Post Graduate Degree in Spiritual Care, a Post Graduate Certificate in Business (Marketing), and a Bachelor of Applied Science in Sports & Exercise. In addition, she is a Certified Therapeutic Sound Practitioner and a Death Doula. Nicole is the founder of Sound Consciousness, a company that offers wellbeing strategies and therapeutic sound practices to help individuals achieve peak performance in their professional lives, sporting endeavours, relationships, and personal aspirations.

If you found this article meaningful, leave a comment and share it with someone else who may benefit. Sharing our experiences helps us all learn, grow, and heal together. We welcome lively discussions, as they contribute to our multifaceted humanity. Let's remember to approach discussions with respect and kindness at heart.